Posted on by Lonwabo Makapela · 1 Comment

Goodbye America. Hi South Africa!

As I scroll through my camera roll, I find it crazy to believe that nine months ago this week, I spent time with my parents in the Eastern Cape before heading to Johannesburg for the last week in South Africa. My siblings and nephew joined us in Johannesburg before I departed for the U.S.A. Those final days were spent bonding with my family, running errands such as picking up my passport at the U.S. Embassy, stocking up on medication, going to the bank, visiting the dentist, and ensuring all the necessary documents were organised. I wouldn’t describe how I felt as excitement, but rather as a strange sense of wondering who I would return to South Africa as. This question has now been answered, although it will probably take years to unpack and understand the new vs old me entirely.

Following a very emotional goodbye at the airport, I went on my way, embarking on an almost sixteen-hour flight from Johannesburg to Atlanta, shortly followed by a one-hour flight to Nashville. Immediately after entering that long, drawn-out flight, it sunk in that I was moving abroad. The Delta air hostesses’ accents quickly made me realise I would be in the U.S. in about sixteen hours and would only be returning to South Africa nine months later. I knew then, and still know now, that this research visit to the U.S. through the Fulbright was a valid rite of passage and that I was to seize the moment; though I didn’t know what awaited me, I needed to trust the process.

All the same, from the moment I set foot in the U.S., the entire experience was much more than what I had bargained for. Long-term travel is tricky, and the heightened ebb and flow of your emotions is something you are confronted with throughout the period, perhaps that’s where a significant amount of the growth lies. The culture shock was immediate, and the inception of mine was when I saw people taking their shoes off at the airport; ‘wow!’ I thought. Homesickness was another hurdle I faced, one which I never fully reconciled. Loneliness would also creep up at times, though one might argue that pursuing a doctorate and loneliness are inseparable. So, while a life of travel sounds tempting and pleasurable, it isn’t for everyone!

Be that as it may, and in the spirit of carpe diem, I had many memorable experiences which I would implore you to consciously seek out during an opportunity abroad.

Travel

I had the opportunity to travel around America in a culturally enriching way, but did not compromise any of my research time. Noteworthy moments were my visit to New York, where I climbed 162 steps up to the Crown of the Statue of Liberty, a very sombre yet eye-opening visit to the 9/11 memorial, a long walk across Brooklyn Bridge, and an immersive experience at the summit one Vanderbilt, to name a few. Another one for the books was my visit to Chicago, where I spent precious time thrifting with friends, visited ‘the Bean’, went on a private tour of the archives at the Art Institute of Chicago, and went up to the observation deck of John Hancock Centre.

Host Family

This might have been my favourite part. The genuine connections made. I had an exceptional, lifelong host family that began this journey with me when I was picked up from the airport. Because of them, my apartment was beautifully ready for me when I arrived, I got to experience an American Thanksgiving and Easter, I had a family to watch my choir concert, and most meaningfully, I had people I could rely on during the more challenging moments of living abroad.

Thanksgiving with my Host Family

Meaningful Friendships

I’ve never quite been one for many friends but deciding to step outside my comfort zone has left me with a diverse group of friends worldwide. I’ve experienced many cultures, eaten various delicious cuisines, and learned much from the connections. The international students and scholars, particularly those from Africa, made me feel immensely understood in my experiences.

Friends

Entertainment

Shortly after I settled in, I created a reward system for myself, whereby every time I reached a particular milestone with my research, I would indulge and get a ticket to some or other show. These could be music or sport; I was in Nashville after all. To name a few, I went to Kevin Hart, Lil Nas X, Pentatonix, Ice hockey, Basketball, Banksy Art Exhibition, the county fair, and multiple socials on campus. All these experiences were unlike anything I have ever experienced before.

Education

I had a phenomenal academic advisor that guided my writing process and exposed me to scholars whom I never imagined I would be working alongside today. I got to observe several classes my mentor and other faculty members conducted. I had a regular spot in the library next to the fireplace where I would work and romanticize my life as a researcher.

Self-reflection

As I reflect on the past nine months, leaving behind a comfortable environment where I had the support of my family and moving into an unfamiliar territory where I faced daunting situations. I sometimes felt I would be much better off at home, mainly when homesickness gradually started sinking in. However, the more you overcome, the more you realise you can take on. You begin to learn more about yourself and the resilience you hold within, your perspective on many things begins to shift and expand, and at the end of it, all the amount you now know about yourself, life, and the world makes it all worth it.

Ultimately, studying abroad afforded me opportunities I had never imagined for myself. Veni, vidi, vici. With that, I say Hello, South Africa!

Posted on by Lonwabo Makapela

Studying abroad: the unceasing struggle for freedom from fear

It is unbelievable that we are already four months into the year as we observe a month genuinely worthy of its commemoration. 27 April 1994 is a day symbolic of South Africa’s democratic leap, the day which saw Africans from all walks of life vote in the country’s first democratic elections. It’s been 29 years, and we have come a long way as a country. Like many other South African holidays in 2022 and 2023, I will celebrate Freedom Day from the U.S.

While thinking about Freedom Day, I decided to look up the definition of freedom in the Oxford dictionary, and among the results I found was ‘the state of not being imprisoned’. This struck a chord with me because of my experience as a visiting student researcher in a developed country. The definition of freedom has often represented the opposite of my experience as a South African student in the U.S., specifically during the first couple of months abroad. I should, however, add that these feelings never entirely subside. They persist throughout what should be and what sometimes is the best time of your life. In many instances, I have felt imprisoned by fears of not being good enough, smart enough, productive enough, or feeling like an imposter.

Of course, when one attains a scholarship as prestigious as the Fulbright, there is a great sense of recognition that you are capable and deserving. And, sometimes, I certainly feel more confident and driven to keep pushing forward. And often, I give it my best shot. However, those fearful moments creep in occasionally, filling you with self-doubt and becoming difficult to avoid.

No one talks much about how quickly the honeymoon phase of living abroad fizzles out. The excitement upon arrival has you site seeing every weekend and opening yourself up to make new friends, despite being hugely introverted. But despite that, about a month into the transition and having adjusted to – in my case – a new time zone, everything sets in, and you remember, ‘oh, this is now my new normal’. In the same breath, you are confronted with the fact that you are now in what’s often referred to as the land of the free, which implies that the U.S. is not only the place of endless opportunities but that you should seize each opportunity on offer. And even though the positives of the new normal substantially outweigh the negatives, a feeling which closely resembles the isolation of the 2020/2021 lockdown lingers persistently.

A good few of the contributing factors to what I have now identified as fear are the massive culture shock, being away from your family and support network, adjusting to different work culture, having to master a new lifestyle, missing out on special milestones of loved ones back home, financial difficulties, adapting to local food, feeling like you do not belong, trying to make friends, the gloomy weather and oh my soul, the time difference in my case. Travelling to study abroad without a booked returned ticket is a topic I will unpack in a future post.

But, as ever, fear remains the constant by-product of change. And so long as we are willing to adjust and adapt to the change, the opportunity for growth will follow. With time, I have learned to acknowledge the fear and attempt to pinpoint what brought it up. I have had to do this every day to not stand in my own way of taking advantage of every opportunity presented to me during this time.

And so, for the past eight months, alongside leaning into this period to stretch me as it should, I have been using the following mechanisms to help free me from fear and anxiety: sharing playlists with my loved ones, getting some sunlight, leaning on my parents for support, taking walks, working out, prioritising social events, planning holidays, and being honest about my feelings and experience and asking for help.

Some might notice that listening to podcasts is not featured on this list, as it was in my ‘day in the life vlog’, and that is because the painful beauty of living abroad relies heavily on a willingness to adapt to the inevitable changes and finding new ways to move away from fear to find happiness. To a great deal, this is an initially challenging realisation for those who, like me, thrive under a strict routine. A final and principal realisation has been that while in the comfort of physically being in South Africa, we may be riddled by fear and anxiety, which prompts us to hide behind high walls and electric fences, but there is no greater freedom than being home, and that is a freedom I look forward to upon my return to South Africa.