Posted on by johanne_marais

The big bye-bye from the brain science blogger

Where I look, there I am: in the water or the window, or as the person I engage with.

Reflection has punctuated many moments throughout 2023 while writing as a blogger for the South African Young Academy of Science. More than just offering moments for reflection, this opportunity at blog writing has gifted me moments of visualization; moments of resistance; improved listening; learned knowledges and peace. These moments, on a continuum, have become the variety of power tools in my life-skills toolbox.

Communication is a skill that requires training. All the styles, methods and tones of communication have appropriateness for certain settings over others. This, too, is a soft skill that requires practice. Here are some ways that I’ve been refining that skill to become a stronger, more assured communicator this year:

Words are my reflective tools. As a scientist, I have consistently remained curious; often unphased by asking the “wrong” questions or clarifying what someone means if it does not align with my identity politics or views. My responsiveness and inquisition have not always been well received. This has created tensions – some subtle, others palpable. It’s okay to make mistakes. Write, read, edit, rewrite. Whether journalling as a daily practice; expanding on research for a thesis; speaking out; or creating a monthly blog, when I use words the world around me becomes a mirror.

Resistance met me along my path many times. When I was told that we will have to create not one but two vlogs as part of our series this year, I felt resistant to express myself through audiovisual media. I had never been challenged in this way (as I am far more comfortable behind the camera than in front of it), but in softening my resistance I realized that I have a passion for communicating this way, too. I thought it may even be fun to try make one science communication YouTube video every month. Though the “YouTuber” life was short-lived, my friend and I decided to start a neuroscience podcast! Keep an eye out for that – it’s called WENA.

I have BIG dreams, and vast interests. Dreaming, though not necessarily an external form of communication, is my tool for visualization. This experience as a blogger has allowed me to ponder and daydream outside of my current project. Oh, I have so many delicious plans for myself! Keeping these dreams vivid propels me into my future. I really, really like state-of-consciousness neuroscience – from active learning, to sleep; psychosis; seizures; dreaming; neuroethics… This is what I imagine researching in the years to come.

I have learned what peace means, to me. Peace is not simply conflict avoidance, but conflict resolution. Learning how to foster my own sense of inner and outer peace in academia is a direct result of blogging; engaging; sharing thoughts. Connection and community are things that I must stoke and kindle to feel supported. In academia, this sense of kinship isn’t a priority for everyone. Make peace with that. Communicate with compassion. Sometimes, just leave things be.

Lastly, blogging has reminded me to engage with knowledges (credit to The Academic Citizen for teaching me about knowledges in their plurality) wholeheartedly. Engagement amplifies knowledges. My life as a neuroscientist, a science communicator, an activist and a student is enriched with all the knowledges that surround me: from National Science Week trips to Venda, to JEDI in science and art exhibitions. Interaction is both auditory and perceptive. When we are attentive and acknowledge the knowledges (and their sources) that are being shared with us, we are savouring the ripest fruits.

I am tremendously appreciative to my fellow bloggers for their pieces and the work that they are doing “on-the-ground”. In parallel, I am exceptionally enamoured with our editor’s warm and concise style of leadership. I have listened actively and learned so much from the 2023 SAYAS blogging team. Thank you, Lonwabo, Ijeoma, Mukhtaar, and Prof. Jen! In working with you, my expression has felt affirmed, supported, and authentic. To the people on the other side of the screen who read my blogs – whether in full enjoyment or slight dislike – thank you for receiving me as I am.

Feel free to reach out! a.neuro.jo@gmail.com or @johanne_marais

Posted on by ijeomaopara

Like Sand Through the Hourglass And Other Amusing Realisations

Here we are, six months later…what has changed?  

Well… life has been a rollercoaster OF NOTE.  

The past six months have felt like three years almost, as I’ve been evolving rapidly without so much of a chance to recalibrate authentically. Academically, things have been progressing in an interesting way; I presented at two international conferences in June, and have had some of the most amazing networking opportunities within my field. The first conference I attended was the London School of Economics Media Futures Conference, where I presented parts of a working chapter. The second one was hosted by the Stellenbosch Business School on Gender, Work and Organisation, and I co-facilitated a workshop on feminist activism in the academy with my supervisor Professor Amanda Gouws. On paper, it feels like I’m doing the right things to make sure my academic career is on track, but I can’t help but feel like there is some level of stagnancy that’s preventing me from pushing myself like I normally do.  

My personal life has also been topsy-turvy, and I have been going through the motions of true grief for the first time in the 28 years of my life. The phrase ‘nothing lasts forever’ has taken on a completely different meaning, as losing people is something that is always hard to deal with. It’s also part of the reason why my vlog this month has taken on a somewhat abstract format, where I focused more on showing what the days in my life have looked like recently, as opposed to a linear, cookie-cutter ‘day in my life’.

For some reason, it felt disingenuous to set up my camera, press record and pretend to wake up and put together a routine that seemed void of flaws. My days really have felt like a case of jumping across different universes, almost like that movie Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022).To be completely honest, my ethics application has been a source of frustration since the beginning of the year, impacting my creative flow. While I understand the importance of due process and acknowledge the validity of concerns, it’s led me to question the worthiness of pursuing my research in the first place. Which really sucks.  

However, I’ve taken steps to address this. I’ve recently gained a mentor from the African Feminist Initiative at UPenn, Professor Tarez Graban. Our first session together was incredibly affirming, reigniting my belief in the value of my work. Naturally, I have the support of my supervisor and co-supervisor. Still, without a clear sense of direction in my work, it becomes difficult to communicate expectations if I am in a period of struggling with where to draw strength from. At the end of the day, this PhD will be completed. Every day that brings me closer to the finish line may not look the same, but it’s part of the bigger picture. And we’re never alone in this journey, always supported by those around us. 

Almost there.