Posted on by johanne_marais

The big bye-bye from the brain science blogger

Where I look, there I am: in the water or the window, or as the person I engage with.

Reflection has punctuated many moments throughout 2023 while writing as a blogger for the South African Young Academy of Science. More than just offering moments for reflection, this opportunity at blog writing has gifted me moments of visualization; moments of resistance; improved listening; learned knowledges and peace. These moments, on a continuum, have become the variety of power tools in my life-skills toolbox.

Communication is a skill that requires training. All the styles, methods and tones of communication have appropriateness for certain settings over others. This, too, is a soft skill that requires practice. Here are some ways that I’ve been refining that skill to become a stronger, more assured communicator this year:

Words are my reflective tools. As a scientist, I have consistently remained curious; often unphased by asking the “wrong” questions or clarifying what someone means if it does not align with my identity politics or views. My responsiveness and inquisition have not always been well received. This has created tensions – some subtle, others palpable. It’s okay to make mistakes. Write, read, edit, rewrite. Whether journalling as a daily practice; expanding on research for a thesis; speaking out; or creating a monthly blog, when I use words the world around me becomes a mirror.

Resistance met me along my path many times. When I was told that we will have to create not one but two vlogs as part of our series this year, I felt resistant to express myself through audiovisual media. I had never been challenged in this way (as I am far more comfortable behind the camera than in front of it), but in softening my resistance I realized that I have a passion for communicating this way, too. I thought it may even be fun to try make one science communication YouTube video every month. Though the “YouTuber” life was short-lived, my friend and I decided to start a neuroscience podcast! Keep an eye out for that – it’s called WENA.

I have BIG dreams, and vast interests. Dreaming, though not necessarily an external form of communication, is my tool for visualization. This experience as a blogger has allowed me to ponder and daydream outside of my current project. Oh, I have so many delicious plans for myself! Keeping these dreams vivid propels me into my future. I really, really like state-of-consciousness neuroscience – from active learning, to sleep; psychosis; seizures; dreaming; neuroethics… This is what I imagine researching in the years to come.

I have learned what peace means, to me. Peace is not simply conflict avoidance, but conflict resolution. Learning how to foster my own sense of inner and outer peace in academia is a direct result of blogging; engaging; sharing thoughts. Connection and community are things that I must stoke and kindle to feel supported. In academia, this sense of kinship isn’t a priority for everyone. Make peace with that. Communicate with compassion. Sometimes, just leave things be.

Lastly, blogging has reminded me to engage with knowledges (credit to The Academic Citizen for teaching me about knowledges in their plurality) wholeheartedly. Engagement amplifies knowledges. My life as a neuroscientist, a science communicator, an activist and a student is enriched with all the knowledges that surround me: from National Science Week trips to Venda, to JEDI in science and art exhibitions. Interaction is both auditory and perceptive. When we are attentive and acknowledge the knowledges (and their sources) that are being shared with us, we are savouring the ripest fruits.

I am tremendously appreciative to my fellow bloggers for their pieces and the work that they are doing “on-the-ground”. In parallel, I am exceptionally enamoured with our editor’s warm and concise style of leadership. I have listened actively and learned so much from the 2023 SAYAS blogging team. Thank you, Lonwabo, Ijeoma, Mukhtaar, and Prof. Jen! In working with you, my expression has felt affirmed, supported, and authentic. To the people on the other side of the screen who read my blogs – whether in full enjoyment or slight dislike – thank you for receiving me as I am.

Feel free to reach out! a.neuro.jo@gmail.com or @johanne_marais

Posted on by ijeomaopara · 1 Comment

Speaking to the soul (amongst other things)

A year and a half into this PhD journey, I am at that stage where I can see where I fulfilled the goals I set, and the ones that have to be adjusted. Between me, myself and I, everything feels a bit messy lump of tangled deadlines that seem to grow longer with each passing day. But, against the backdrop of having presented at local and international conferences this month, making worthwhile connections within my field, and meeting some amazing radical feminists, I can’t help but feel a divide between what I see and what I feel. That divide is further complicated when I consider the difference between how many of us may feel internally about our progress, and how others see our achievements. But I think for many overachievers (and people who tend to be hard on themselves), by the time you accept the one accolade, your mind has already moved on to the next thing to accomplish. 

So for this blog, I thought I could reflect on what it means to feel dissonance between who we are and how others see us. I am not the first person to have this thought, but I think it’d be worth it to look at it from my perspective. What does it mean when we are functioning at our highest self? Why do we worry about who we are around others? Especially when we’re not all meant to be in the same space? I often have to remind myself that even if it’s not exactly how I thought it would turn out at the time, that 15-year-old Ijeoma would be so amazed at this current version of Ijeoma (and slightly in awe). Someone once said that we often work to make our inner child happy, and I can’t help but feel like this is the most important thing to me regardless of what I do. My funny, thoughtful, caring side deserves tending to, which means letting go of trying to extend that to everyone you come across. Making others comfortable in a space is a very valuable skill, but it took some time to realise that one does not have to centre your life around being universally palatable. 

It’s also not lost on me that August is Women’s Month in South Africa. When I reflect on what empowerment means to me today, it no longer holds weight when I think about my womanhood. Especially when we see how empowerment serves as lip service to ensure inequality remains the status quo, and the word itself functions as palatable activism to achieve superficial institutional and organisational objectives and goals. Defining who I am as a woman becomes about the integrity and principle behind each action and decision that is made towards my own and others’ emancipation. And that’s where I find myself most times – attempting to fuse these floating parts that feel like they operate in isolation from each other. But the funny thing is that in most cases, everything is connected. In Japan, their philosophy of Ikigai centres around your reason for being; the thing that drives who you are, your essence and purpose. If we know that we all have individual gifts, then it makes sense that it is up to us to indulge in the life-long journey of slowly unwrapping it – and then presenting it to the world. 

So it’s okay for others not to get it. To not get you. Being an outlier shows that you contribute to society’s betterment before you may even know what your potential impact will be for years to come (it happens to many). But, staying aware of what keeps you grounded makes the reflection clearer. Nurturing and fostering a strong sense of self can help us stay on track to being part of something bigger than the perceptions of others. A sprinkle of daily gratitude doesn’t hurt either – as long as we know the only person we are ever in competition with is ourselves.