Posted on by Lonwabo Makapela

Thursday chit-chat: Remembering your ‘why’

Let’s have a chat. So, I recently had a very unexpected and disappointing experience in my PhD journey. So much so that I contemplated quitting my PhD. You thought I didn’t have moments like that? Well, you thought wrong, my friend. Though I might not go into too much detail on the specifics of this particular matter, I will give you enough to work with 🙂

Previously, I’d say there has only ever been one instance where I contemplated quitting my PhD. This was during my first year in the PhD learning programme, and to give some context, I began the PhD programme in the thick of COVID-19, where I found myself moving to Pretoria, attending seminars from my tiny studio apartment, having to get through multiple readings weekly, writing a thought paper based on the readings, and preparing for lengthy discussions within a PhD cohort of only two; life as I knew it and the PhD programme felt profoundly isolating. I felt like I was thrown into the deep end. As the year progressed, I felt myself getting stretched thinner and thinner as I had to prepare for seminars, ready for the long drawn 48hour exams (if you know, you know), and prepare my research proposal, all while I was applying to the highly competitive Fulbright programme, which comprised of a lengthy application process, having to write personal statements and motivations, preparing for interviews, prepare for exams such as TOEFL and GRE. But the questioning related to the continuation of my programme was primarily based on questioning whether I was cut out for this and whether I had the resilience to do a PhD. The imposter syndrome was jarring and relentless, but I have since realised that it is part and parcel of the PhD experience, so I will say that I have learned to keep pushing despite it.

Now, having returned from my Fulbright award in the U.S., many might assume that the last thing on my mind would be to quit my PhD. Well, Surprise!! It was indeed during my first few weeks back in South Africa that I was unexpectedly confronted with those thoughts. The feeling was much stronger than the previous time because it wasn’t due to doubting my abilities this time, but due to something I would have never expected, interpersonal conflict. Indeed, it is bold of me to think I wouldn’t experience conflict with those overseeing my research, and one might even say that it is inevitable to have interpersonal challenges during your postgraduate studies because research is, in fact, a collaboration. Still, having watched as many YouTube videos as I could at the beginning of both my master’s and PhD programmes to ensure that I maintained respectful and healthy relations with those I have the privilege of receiving assistance from, I’d say the hard reality I had to accept is that sometimes expectations do not align. Subsequently, your expectations of having good working relations may not be met, but this is not the end of the world.

This may have stung so much more because when I left for the U.S., I struggled with communicating my boundaries, particularly my capacity to do more than I could physically, mentally, and emotionally. This time, the burnout I was experiencing forced me to speak up, to say I could not put anything more on my plate than what I currently have. And while on such a mentally and emotionally taxing journey as a PhD, it is crucial to surround yourself with people who will understand that. Reminiscent of the disproportionate amount of Winter I experienced over the last 12 months, as mentioned in my previous blog, I left for the U.S. towards the end of our academic year in South Africa, lived in the U.S. all through their academic year only to return to South Africa halfway through our academic year again. To say that I am still exhausted would be an understatement.

Nonetheless, many lessons to learn while pursuing your postgrad have nothing to do with your degree. And these lessons come during different process phases. The lesson of my current stage is knowing and staying connected to why I started. Simon Sinek, author of the book ‘start with Why’ describes the ‘why’ as the purpose, belief or cause driving you, because knowing why you started helps you to remain loyal to the cause.

Here are a few tips I’ve learnt from life coach and YouTuber Brendon Buchard that have been helping me stay connected to my ‘why’.

1) Keep emotionally connected with what you want through daily visualisation. Do not only visualise the end goal but also what you would do if things don’t go according to plan; how do you regain the momentum?

2) Conduct weekly check-ins with yourself and score your performance and progress every week. This will help you align closely with your goals.

3) Get social support involved in what you are planning to achieve. Find people you trust and who are in your corner that you can fill in on what you plan to do, when you plan to achieve it and keep them posted on your progress. This will help to keep you accountable and to feel supported.

Ultimately and amongst other things, such as my closest people, it has been the SAYAS blogging community and a beautiful SAYAS blog post that helped me stay afloat and encouraged me to continue. I hope this chit-chat will inspire someone to stay connected to their ‘why’.

Posted on by Lonwabo Makapela

What I love about Winter

Well, the first semester is done and dusted. Though much of it is a blur, the temperatures are now beginning to drop, colours fading, trees becoming bare, the air crisp, and nature is hitting a pause on growth; I thought to do the same, and upon a bit of reflecting, I realise that I have had a disproportionate amount of Winter over the last 12 months. Having left for the U.S. in August and returning to South Africa in May means that I left just as Winter ended, lived in the U.S. all through the Winter, only to return to South Africa as Winter started again. Something about that seems poetic, so shall I compare thee to Winter?

First, many of my blog posts on the PhD/research journey have been quite sombre. And though I acknowledge the winter blues and all its stressful and anxiety-enhancing oddities, I have decided to dig a little deeper today and explore the magnificence of the little light we see in Winter. So, what exactly is it that I love about Winter? Let’s get to it.

Travelling

Once winter break hits, most of us travel home, and if not, we travel somewhere with family and friends. Similarly, one of the best perks of being a researcher is the opportunity to travel. If not to collect your data, you are attending conferences, and workshops, taking up visiting research positions all around the globe. What’s even better is that research trips are often funded in a way that allows travel costs to be taken care of. Travelling brings many benefits, such as exploring different cultures, alleviating stress and anxiety, drawing inspiration, and creating unforgettable memories.

Eating steamy stews

Conceptualising your research ideas resembles the making of an excellent steamy stew in the sense that when making a heavy bottom stew, you add your many ingredients to the hot oil, the cuts of meat are tough and need a significant length of time to break down – it takes time to develop great flavour; therefore, the heat must be slow and gradual, never fully reaching boiling point, and occasionally removing the soup from the heat. This process may be long-drawn-out, but nothing warms us up like a steamy stew on a wintery evening; it fills your heart with warmth and is soothing to the chill of Winter. So, give yourself time to do your thing, but be sure to get cosy and enjoy the result!

Layering all your favourite clothes into one outfit

It’s hardly possible to predict Winter forecasts at times. It could be rainy on one day, freezing the next and warmer than average temperatures the next. This sometimes makes dressing for the weather difficult. However, reminiscent of choosing suitable theories to support your research, selecting the appropriate inner layers for your outfit is essential. The delicate and fun nature of layering means you must be sure to layer the clothes both fashionably and functionally. You can experiment and play with garments in your closet and allow your creativity to shine through. So, give yourself the leeway to experiment with various colours, patterns, and textures for infinite possibilities.

Days off!

With research, life can often become a go go go, as we get wrapped up in the stresses. But this can take a toll on your brain, body, and spirit. Without a doubt, we are all wrestling with this realisation and having to decide whether it would be wise to take a break. This reminds me of the extreme weather conditions this time of the year, particularly in the Eastern Cape, where driving conditions are less than ideal due to heavy snowfall, which leads to a closure of the mountain Pass. These extreme weather conditions forcefully assign a day off to many. Therefore, feel free to take a break on those rainy, snowy days and whenever needed. Sometimes, cosying up to a hot beverage, snacks, and Netflix is just what you need.

Planning your spring

There naturally comes a time, usually towards the beginning of July when I start daydreaming about spring and the new semester. Granted, as a PhD student I don’t have an explicit winter break, but due to habit and emptiness of campus around this time, I feel prompted to take some time off and start planning for the new semester – looking forward to the newness and bloom of spring gives my spirit a boost. Having something to look forward to, can make the world’s difference, so start making those warm-weather plans now!

Ultimately, the winter season brings forth colder months and shorter days. And although the best part of nature is going to sleep due to frost in the air and the low temperatures, the colours of the dying leaves are magnificent.

‘If winter has the courage to turn into spring, who says I can’t bloom just the same’ Sian Wilmot.