Posted on by Lonwabo Makapela

Studying abroad: the unceasing struggle for freedom from fear

It is unbelievable that we are already four months into the year as we observe a month genuinely worthy of its commemoration. 27 April 1994 is a day symbolic of South Africa’s democratic leap, the day which saw Africans from all walks of life vote in the country’s first democratic elections. It’s been 29 years, and we have come a long way as a country. Like many other South African holidays in 2022 and 2023, I will celebrate Freedom Day from the U.S.

While thinking about Freedom Day, I decided to look up the definition of freedom in the Oxford dictionary, and among the results I found was ‘the state of not being imprisoned’. This struck a chord with me because of my experience as a visiting student researcher in a developed country. The definition of freedom has often represented the opposite of my experience as a South African student in the U.S., specifically during the first couple of months abroad. I should, however, add that these feelings never entirely subside. They persist throughout what should be and what sometimes is the best time of your life. In many instances, I have felt imprisoned by fears of not being good enough, smart enough, productive enough, or feeling like an imposter.

Of course, when one attains a scholarship as prestigious as the Fulbright, there is a great sense of recognition that you are capable and deserving. And, sometimes, I certainly feel more confident and driven to keep pushing forward. And often, I give it my best shot. However, those fearful moments creep in occasionally, filling you with self-doubt and becoming difficult to avoid.

No one talks much about how quickly the honeymoon phase of living abroad fizzles out. The excitement upon arrival has you site seeing every weekend and opening yourself up to make new friends, despite being hugely introverted. But despite that, about a month into the transition and having adjusted to – in my case – a new time zone, everything sets in, and you remember, ‘oh, this is now my new normal’. In the same breath, you are confronted with the fact that you are now in what’s often referred to as the land of the free, which implies that the U.S. is not only the place of endless opportunities but that you should seize each opportunity on offer. And even though the positives of the new normal substantially outweigh the negatives, a feeling which closely resembles the isolation of the 2020/2021 lockdown lingers persistently.

A good few of the contributing factors to what I have now identified as fear are the massive culture shock, being away from your family and support network, adjusting to different work culture, having to master a new lifestyle, missing out on special milestones of loved ones back home, financial difficulties, adapting to local food, feeling like you do not belong, trying to make friends, the gloomy weather and oh my soul, the time difference in my case. Travelling to study abroad without a booked returned ticket is a topic I will unpack in a future post.

But, as ever, fear remains the constant by-product of change. And so long as we are willing to adjust and adapt to the change, the opportunity for growth will follow. With time, I have learned to acknowledge the fear and attempt to pinpoint what brought it up. I have had to do this every day to not stand in my own way of taking advantage of every opportunity presented to me during this time.

And so, for the past eight months, alongside leaning into this period to stretch me as it should, I have been using the following mechanisms to help free me from fear and anxiety: sharing playlists with my loved ones, getting some sunlight, leaning on my parents for support, taking walks, working out, prioritising social events, planning holidays, and being honest about my feelings and experience and asking for help.

Some might notice that listening to podcasts is not featured on this list, as it was in my ‘day in the life vlog’, and that is because the painful beauty of living abroad relies heavily on a willingness to adapt to the inevitable changes and finding new ways to move away from fear to find happiness. To a great deal, this is an initially challenging realisation for those who, like me, thrive under a strict routine. A final and principal realisation has been that while in the comfort of physically being in South Africa, we may be riddled by fear and anxiety, which prompts us to hide behind high walls and electric fences, but there is no greater freedom than being home, and that is a freedom I look forward to upon my return to South Africa.

Posted on by michellebeeslaar · 2 Comments

Freedom or Fallacy: A collage of South African perspectives. Where are we 26 years later?

Annually since 1995, we commemorate Freedom Day which marks the first South African non-racial, democratic elections held on 27 February 1994. The first democratic president, President Nelson Mandela is quoted as saying ‘for to be free is not merely to cast off one’s own chains but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others’. In 2018 in an article for the Sowetan Live, Prince Mashele, urged South Africans to reevaluate what the day means in their own words, within their own communities and without the influence of political rhetoric. Last year, our country celebrated 25 years of political freedom. As we go into the next chapter, it would be amiss to this generation and the next, not to assess in an iterative, non-partisan and fair manner, the progress made to the upfront acknowledged challenges of inequality, poverty and unemployment. 

Instead of conveying my evaluation, a purposive selection of societal commentators across professional and personal backgrounds had the blog title put to them and asked to sum up their assessment in a paragraph. The views are their personal reflections and not of their employers, organizations or affiliations. This is South Africa of April 2020. This is South Africa constructively dialoguing.

Cameron Mackenzie, a former Johannesburg city councillor from 2009 and current member of Parliament since 2014 for the official opposition, the Democratic Alliance, advances that ‘freedom, unless you know how to use it, is only a word’. He acknowledges the political progress made from the repressive Apartheid state to a constitutional democracy in 1994 however cautions that the current state failure in education and healthcare, amongst others, perpetuates the cycle of freedom not being a lived reality for the majority of South Africans. 

Tessa Dooms is a sociologist, director at Jasoro Consulting, a Nelson Mandela George Washington Fellow with several other professional accolades. She notes that South Africa’s democracy is maturing due to an increased plurality, willingness to challenge and test powerful leaders and institutions. She is mindful that our democracy remains fragile due to the failure to deliver development and transform lives. The result, especially amongst youth,  is a distrust of our democratic leadership and more precarious, democratic processes. She suggests that the next phase must see us building and unleashing the abilities plus agency of young people for political, social and economic development for all. 

According to Russell Rensburg, an expert in healthcare and current director of the Rural Health Advocacy Project, the preamble of the constitution commits us to improving the quality of life for all citizens. He recognizes the significant progress to education and healthcare access but argues that the access is derailed by the quality of services and general commodification of public goods which have delayed the overall realization of freedom. 

Nkanyiso Ngqulunga, a law student and exceptional young contributor to decolonial thought, asserts the question highlights the dichotomy inherited from colonialism and Apartheid. For him, the democratic dispensation is a neo-Apartheid version, still unable to understand or meet the needs of the majority, who remain in permanent dispossession and poverty. He calls for socioeconomic justice premised on an African-based transformational philosophy and spirituality that denounces and breaks away from past crimes against humanity to truly fulfil a clean slate of human rights recognition. 

He is a management consultant but Melusi Maposa prefers to describe himself as someone who knows a little about a lot of things and a lot about a little things. He responds that 26 years it is not a question of freedom or fallacy, rather both. He emphasizes the immense achievements that are often forgotten e.g. 10 million households electrified since 1994 and the millions with never before, access to running water. In the same breath, he talks of the continued gross inequality and widening socioeconomic divide. He urges us to surge ahead to deliver freedom to those who have as yet not fully experienced it for not to do so lies the peril of our nation.  

Mzwandile Manto is a lifelong student of philosophy and an experienced contributor to international public capacity building. He reminds us that freedom is the ability to self-actualize which includes our health and human security. The inability to self-actualize is a failure of political freedom. Our system of so-called proportional representation is representative of the self-limitations we have imposed for freedom to be achieved. He continues that in practice over quarter of a century, these system “representatives” have proven that they are allegiant to their parties not us, the citizens, the electorate who provide them with the mandate to serve. He bluntly states that the majoritianism in place, mocks and bastardises our freedom in the current political system and to be truly free, means to tackle the system first. 

The prolific current events commentator @linley_sa prefers to be engaged through this handle on Twitter. He argues that without human dignity, there can be no freedom. Pronouncing political freedom does not equate to releasing the chains of those that remain modern slaves by virtue of hunger, unemployment and squalor. The only release is true socioeconomic freedom. 

My work particularly with the homeless and un/under employed has set me on a path to advocate for an active citizenry. As Freedom Day 2020 approaches, with COVID19 showing up the fault lines of our grossly inequitable society, I realize that in our eagerness to give up the ghost of Apartheid, we gave too much power to the ANC-led government, a movement I generally support. The power corrupted many of them and in turn our people suffered a new oppression – knowing they had rights but being unable to access them. If COVID19 teaches us anything, let it be that from this, our Freedom Month, we cannot continue business as usual. 

We need to change trajectory, check our ideology and privilege at the door, pragmatically evaluate the last two decades and usher in a new system of governance. I say governance because the time of government being our leaders must be over. We the citizens must take our power back, elect representatives, hold them directly accountable and release them from duty if they do not perform. A new social compact is required, one where equality of opportunity and access to services are not rights in a story told to us in 1999 but a lived reality for all. For me, the answer is that we have political freedom but it is a fallacy as it is limited to a class that simply isn’t reflective of how the majority of South Africans live. My question to you, is simply this, freedom or fallacy: where are we 26 years later?