Zanele Mabena
Like any parent, Elizabeth felt a wave of emotions as her daughter, Naledi, started school—anxiety, joy, nervousness, and mostly, excitement. But that excitement quickly faded as complaints from school began crawling in. It felt as if they were validating her deepest fears and her late-night tears: “She talks out of turn”, “She’s disruptive”, “She won’t sit still”. At first, Elizabeth thought Naledi would grow out of it. As a first-time parent, she assumed perhaps Naledi was simply more energetic or imaginative than other kids. But as the calls persisted, Elizabeth realised something deeper was at play. She knew she wasn’t a bad mother, and her daughter wasn’t badly behaved. Naledi’s brain just worked differently. She knew her daughter was empathetic, loving, creative—and misunderstood. Elizabeth, like many parents raising a child with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), was doing the best she could with the knowledge and resources she had, while also processing her own upbringing and experiences.
If you’re wondering who Elizabeth is and why her story matters, allow me to explain. My name is Zanele Mabena. I’m a master’s student in research psychology at the University of Stellenbosch. My work focuses on the parent-child relationship in families where a child has ADHD, specifically exploring how parents perceive that bond. ADHD, or Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, is a common neurodevelopmental disorder, which affects roughly 7.6% of school-age children. It is characterised by symptoms of inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. The condition can present in three ways: primarily inattentive, hyperactive-impulsive, or a combination of both. It’s also frequently co-occurring with other conditions like mood disorders, anxiety, or learning difficulties. Children with ADHD often experience emotional challenges like low self-esteem and poor frustration tolerance, as well as behavioural issues such as aggression, irritability, and emotional dysregulation.
Raising a child with ADHD often leads to heightened parental stress, sometimes even marital strain. The relationship between parent and child is bi-directional—each influences the other. The behaviours associated with ADHD often require extra parental monitoring, increasing stress levels. This stress can lead to frustration, guilt, and even depression for parents who may feel like they’re failing their child. My research delves into both the behavioural and emotional dynamics of the parent-child bond—looking at things like shared activities, communication styles, parenting practices, empathy, affection, and feelings of rejection.
My research sits at the intersection of developmental psychology, family systems, and neuropsychology. In families affected by ADHD, parent-child relationships are often under strain, largely due to stigma and misunderstanding. As part of my research, I facilitated a beading workshop, where parents and children created jewellery for one another. I wanted to see whether creative, mindful engagement could strengthen these unique relationships.
But why does this matter?
The quality of the parent-child relationship is vital to a child’s cognitive, social, and emotional development. A nurturing and understanding environment helps children thrive. At the same time, parents need adequate support so they don’t experience burnout or mental health difficulties. While we know how crucial these relationships are, there is limited research that explores them in-depth—particularly in the South African context, where external factors such as poverty, substance abuse, and high rates of violence also place added pressure on families. These challenges often result in harsher or more authoritarian parenting, which can further strain the parent-child dynamic.
Through my work, I aim to understand the factors that help or hinder these relationships. What causes strain? What promotes connection? How do families cope? ADHD is often surrounded by stigma and misinformation, leaving parents feeling isolated and judged. It is essential to create safe spaces for families to share their experiences—spaces where they can feel heard, supported, and less alone.
Moreover, such stories and experiences inform researchers, educators, and clinicians, helping us build more effective interventions and support structures. The creative workshop component of my research—where parents and children crafted jewellery for one another—was designed to encourage mindfulness, communication, and quality time. The aim was to foster connection, reduce stress, and provide families with tools to build more resilient relationships.
Ultimately, I hope this research contributes to both academic literature and practical interventions for families living with ADHD. My goal is to promote mindful, shared activities that support healthy communication and emotional bonding. When parents are supported and confident in their parenting, children benefit. When children feel understood and accepted, they flourish.
In the end, families like Elizabeth and Naledi’s deserve not just awareness, but empathy, support, and tangible resources. It is through these efforts that we can build stronger, healthier relationships—one beaded bracelet, one shared story, at a time.
Images from the beading workshop
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